Why Do You Like Cranberries, When I Do Not?


I don’t understand what’s not to like.

I don’t understand what there is to like.

So, you like sweet things, correct?

Yeah.

So what’s so different about a cranberry? I know for a fact that you like raspberries and… lemons. I know that. So, how can you not like cranberries? They’re essentially all the same thing.

Okay, for starters they are absolutely not the same thing. I’m not walking around eating a lemon on the go, you know? What sort of point is that to make? And raspberries are far less acidic than a cranberry.

Sour worms.

What about them?

Answer the question.

…yeah, they’re pretty good.

Oh, come on!

They are not the same thing at all.

They are the same thing… When was the last time you ate a cranberry?

Jesus, my god. I don’t know, I don’t like them, so it’s been a while.

So you don’t even know what they taste like.

Oh, fuck me.

There’s something else isn’t there, you have something against them. Like something weird happened in your childhood or something, like… like something bad.

Yes, no you’re right. Get this, as a form of punishment, my mother would pop cranberries up my ass whenever I wet the bed, yes, that is it, right on the money.

Okay, okay… be that way, but I’m not the one not making any sense. You like shit that is essentially no different from a cranberry, you just don’t want to go near them because you’re stuck up.

I’m stuck up?

You are, stuck up.

…Fuck your cranberries.

Aha yeah, there it is. There it is.

Yep, fuck em… And fuck you.

Just tell me that you like cranberries.

How about instead, you tell me… how on earth could you possibly not enjoy the sweet, delicate, juicy taste of strawberries?



The end.