Why Do You Like Cranberries, When I Do Not?


I don’t understand what’s not to like.

I don’t understand what there is to like.

So, you like sweet things. Correct?

Yeah.

What’s so different about a cranberry? I know for a fact that you like raspberries and… lemons. I know that. So, how can you dislike cranberries? They’re essentially the same.

For starters, they’re absolutely not the same thing. I’m not walking around eating lemons on the go, you know? What sort of point is that to make?

Sour worms?

What about them?

Answer the question.

Yeah, they’re pretty good.

Oh, come on!

They’re not the same thing!

They are the same thing. When was the last time you even ate a cranberry?

Jesus, my God. I don’t know, I don’t like them. So it’s been a while.

So you don’t even know what they taste like.

Oh, fuck me.

There’s something else, right? Like, something weird happened to you as a child. Something bad.

Yes, you’re right. To punish me as a little boy, Mum would force cranberries up my ass whenever I wet the bed. Yep, that’s it. Right on the money.

Fine, be that way. But I’m not the one who’s acting insane. You like stuff that’s no different to a cranberry, you just don’t want to go near them because you’re stuck up.

I’m stuck up?

You are. Stuck up.

Fuck your cranberries.

Ah, yeah! There it is. 

Yep, fuck ‘em. And fuck you.

Just tell me that you like cranberries.

How about instead, you tell me… how on earth could you possibly not enjoy the sweet, delicate, juicy taste of strawberries?



The end.